Problems like bullying, drugs, body piercing, and sexual experimentation have many causes, but all relate to the development of the child's self-image. One of the least-understood factors causing these problems is the use of praise. In order for praise to help create a healthy self-image in the developing child, it must be applied in an appropriate way; it must be earned. If it is not earned, then the praise will create all the problems it was meant to solve.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Motivation and Manipulation

Before you read this, be prepared to find yourself feeling that all this sounds very manipulative. You will be right. When you, as you are now doing, sit down to look for advice on how to get anybody else to do what you want, you are taking part in a highly manipulative exercise. If you are the kind of person who is bothered by this, don’t stop reading. Read this blog, ignore all the information it tells you on how to act. Just think about the discussion on why you are acting in a given way when you deal with a child. This should be enough. You can think about these ideas, and apply them in your own, individual, manner, whatever that is. If the ideas are too different from your own, at least they will give you something to argue against, and maybe firm up some of your own thoughts. Then you can write your own blog, and we can provide some interesting talk-show material when we argue about our conflicting techniques.

Also, think about the term, “manipulation”. Manipulation just means arranging things. The negative connotation comes from its use to describe the kind of activity involved in influencing people who are unaware of your real motivation, to act in ways counter to their own good.

A coach who fires his team up to their highest point of motivation before a game is manipulating them. A teacher who plans a pre-lesson exercise that gets the class interested in the topic is manipulating them. The key, of course, is that the team and the class have willingly given the adults the right, in fact even expect them to perform this task, and the adults are motivated to do it to the benefit of the group. And that is the big difference between good and bad manipulation. To be simplistic: if the arranging of people’s minds is for their betterment, it is good. If it is against their betterment, and especially if it is for the betterment of the manipulator, it is bad.

So if you would like, we can use the word motivate, as having much more positive connotations, instead of manipulate. After all, nobody is going to read a page sub-titled, “How to Manipulate Your Child”.

At least nobody who is going to find this book the slightest bit useful.

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